


Something new

by wings_and_dreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Hope, My First AO3 Post, rating might change as the story evolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 23:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings_and_dreams/pseuds/wings_and_dreams
Summary: Dean never knew what was in store when he was left on his own, turns out following his brothers footsteps in finding his own form of independence begins with a rocky start





	1. The hardest choice

Slowly regaining consciousness I look around feeling the difference Sammy's absence left in the motel. It was like a large gaping hole had been ripped from my chest although a casual inspection showed that there was no wounds. Looking up as the door slammed open and closed allowing dad to come storming back into the room with food snapping at me to stop wasting time and get moving theres monsters to kill. Sighing I resigned myself to a rough day and dragged myself out go bed and into the shower stopping only to grab some semi fresh clothes, they never really stay fully clean living out of a duffel. 

By the end of the day it seemed like my entire world had been destroyed as though Sammy was the only thing holding it together. Without a buffer dad and I had been tearing at each others throats and the monster we were hunting almost got the jump on us while we were distracted fighting each other rather than watching the other's backs. This close call was the last straw dad acquired a truck and took off leaving me the impala telling me that I'm holding him back being a distraction he doesn't need to get his revenge. This left me alone without someone to protect, namely Sammy for the first time ever. Taking a deep breath I make my way into the first motel I find and falling face first on the bed willing it to swallow me whole never to come out again. 

Time passes slowly that night dreaming about the fire and the years of mental abuse at dad's hands. Waking in the morning feeling worse then the night before so hollow, empty almost. Unwilling to face the day yet but not wanting to dream again I roll and face the wall blanking my mind just existing. Minutes pass but it feels like hours as I try and will myself to move before monsters come to get me... actually that might not be the worst thing my traitorous mind suggests. Telling it to shut up I drag myself to the shower turning on the water as hot as I can stand before curling in the bottom of the tub again spacing out unfocussed and lost. The cold water startles me into awareness again forcing me out of the shower. Figuring that hunting this distracted will be a certain death I decide to take a break, maybe follow Sammy out to California to look after him as was drilled into me for 18 years. 

With that thought in mind and something to maybe look forward to I toss my stuff into the trunk and head west driving with as few stops as possible the habit too ingrained to stop. Thoughts swirling in my mind causing turmoil. 

how can I just stop hunting like this theres people dying, worthless just like dad said. Never amount to anything. Why follow Sammy he wont want a tag along brother wrecking his dreams. protect Sammy boy you have to protect him

Feeling torn and battered like I never mattered to anyone, like I was only ever really a tool to keep Sammy safe I stop the car pulling into a old gas station staring at the signs.

The thought of seeing Sammy again especially after the fight the other night leaves my stomach a jumbled mess twisting and turning. turning off the car I run to the bathroom in time to empty my stomach ... of acid, realizing at that moment that the last meal was the hurried lunch the day of the hunt with dad. This frigging sucks.

Taking in a deep breath leaning against the disgusting wall of the toilet stall my mind strays to a random thought of a new beginning a chance to find out who I am without taking orders or protecting a little brother or worrying about fighting monsters all the time.

Determined I wipe my mouth, clean my hands and head out looking for food and a new beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week went by slowly, looking at the signs I had decided that maybe a honest living would be nice for once. Sammy was getting a normal life why couldn't I. This lead me to the library... me in a library ha. But without a laptop I needed a computer to put together a resume as needed. That was the first couple days as it took much longer than expected to try and put something together who knew. 

It was lunch time on a Monday after looking all morning at the different jobs I realized that I have no idea what I wanted to do, no idea what even I can do or what normal life even looks like. Eating slowly not really tasting the food but making sure I had something in my stomach as nothing has been in it for a few days as I just am not hungry. 

Someone slides into the booth across from me looking up I realize it is dads hunting buddy Bobby whom we stayed with growing up. He was the one we always directed phone calls to. Talking with him was a breath of fresh air, chatter had been getting around that there was someone new with a classic car roaming the town and Bobby decided that it was something that needed to be checked out as John would have showed up unannounced. Had I actually noticed what town I was in so would I but with the gaping whole in my chest nothing was registering to me the way that it should. 

After Bobby found out that I was stepping out of the hunting game he requested that I get a job with him at the salvage yard to start an actual honest life without any more fraud or lies. This offer brought with it a offer of the guest room till I can get on my feet as John would never have had enough funds around ever to get a place to rent other than a motel, no credit in our own names, nothing. 

For the first time since Sammy left there was a slight bit of hope and happiness. Chomping down on my burger with satisfaction savouring each bite although my stomach was quietly rebelling having food in it after so little the past few weeks.


End file.
